Betrayal & Redemption
If you haven’t yet noticed, I’m a big ball of a mess. Much like a rolling snowball. It only goes downhill.These few days, with my classes ending, my classmates (who are just as disappointed in the course as I am) decided to take action and put pressure on the people who matter. Today, they asked if I would be willing to sign a formal letter of complaint that basically says, “We will take legal action.”
Now… as much as I hate the time I wasted in the course, it wasn’t useless. I used my time wisely. I came up with pretty good results. I might have a future in this.
And my future might depend on my instructor, who has been recommending me to everyone he knows.
So, I guess this is where greed comes in. I really care that we were all cheated of a good course. Some people were blacklisted to the instructor because the instructor (who is a guy) acted like a girl. However, I don’t want to risk a career to get back the money I spent on the course. I just want to take what I’ve got, and leave.
Yet, I feel like I betrayed my friends.
Some are close friends, who know me well enough to understand that I like to avoid conflict. Others, however, are prone to openly insulting anyone who opposes them. In fact, I had 2 guys tell me that I need to ditch my family, forget the way I was raised to behave, and go live life.
I know some of you out there agree with them. But it’s my life. I get to choose to stick to my culture (which is very conservative and strict) and stay with my parents. I may not fit in the mold of the Independent Woman, but that doesn’t give people the right to openly judge me. In a blog, I welcome feedback, because I am writing openly about it. But from people in class, I find it rude.
So instead of only betraying some friends, I feel like I’ve also been betrayed.
… And then there are friends who stick with me no matter what happens. No matter how many times I screw up. With them, I just feel like utter failure.
How do I redeem myself…?
posted by PinkBunny @ 1:40 AM
10 Comments:
You can redeem yourself by mapping out a course of action and sticking with it. Choose what is important to you and work those items into your future plans.
FYI: If you stick to your plans and it's not making you happy, you picked the wrong plan. Adjust accordingly.
Sounds a bit simplistic, but simple makes sense.
go easy on yourself, pb.
(says the girl who is her own harshest critic...)
but seriously, just stick to your decision--you made it for a reason. the friends who stick around no matter what are the ones you want around anyway. the others are douchebags.
(yeah, that's a scientific term.)
Never go easy on yourself. You made your bed, you can lie in it or go make a different one. I am, at this moment, failing a class for the first time in my life, and I am actually contemplating saying "screw it," because it doesn't matter, and I don't care. That said, I put myself in this position.
Pick your path, grit your teeth, duck your head, and don't stop churning your legs until you reach your destination. You engage in self-examination at the wrong times, and it makes you indecisive.
Find what you want to do, and 4 places you want to do it. Target those four places with what you will need to convince them it will be a mistake to not hire you. Don't contemplate, don't discuss, don't blog, don't think about it. Do it.
you do what you think feels right and eff what everyone else thinks of you
Or "F" what they think, or "Fuck" what they think (which may be unclean, dangerous, and unpleasant sometimes), or just do your shit and let everyone else do theirs.
Especially what Nic says, 'cause she's about to get the "I told you so" in BIG, FAT, HEAVY order.
Hey big ball of mess, where the hell are you?
Blogger's block?
I need inspiration
what even happened with this
Here's an inspiration... My FOOT UP YER ASS!!!
Are you still in the land of the ... [editing], or you back in the realm of the canucklehead?
I'm still in the land of the overpopulated. It's supposed to be a family "vacation", but I just feel like I'm rotting away.
This also kills so many interviews I could've had back in the realm of the canucks.
And leaves me with surprisingly little to blog about.
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