What to do now?
Ok. My vegetative state is slowly fading away, so now I have to deal with the tons of free time I now have. The question is: What do I do with this free time?I used to talk on the phone with the-nameless-guy or go out with him, or… anything around him. Now, it’s like my free time just doubled. I can’t believe I can actually walk around the house and have no commitments to be late for. This is so weird.
It’s not like I really have nothing to do. I stupidly enrolled myself in yet another program. I must have thought that one 3D graphics program wasn’t enough. I foolishly signed on for another. And this one? Sucks. Big time.
The course is unstructured and the instructor’s no better at most of this stuff than me, so I feel like it’s one huge mistake. And yet I have until the end of June to wallow in yet another one of my nonsensical life choices.
I’m slowly getting the feeling that I wasn’t made for making smart decisions.
In anti-freeze news, I haven’t been single in a long long time. (Minus the times where the-nameless-guy broke up with me for a few weeks on and off.) I’m not sure how to talk to guys. I’m not sure if I want another relationship. It’d be cool to try and be that fabulous single gal that’s worshipped on TV, but somehow I get the sense that I’d also muck that up.
So this is the point in my life where I realize that I’m not as great as I thought I was. And realizing that? Not so great.
Oh and I’m already doing the job hunt thing on the side of my nearly useless program… which has taught me that I suck at interviews because I can’t BS to save my life. Some guys go on and on about how great they are and how they can do everything. I despise them for being so fake, but maybe they’re the ones who are doing things right. Maybe I need to fake being good, since I’m clearly not the best. Or maybe I just need to stick this through and deal with the consequences on doing things based on impulse.
Maybe vegetating was better off. At least there’d be an explanation to why everyone else seems to be going somewhere but me.
posted by PinkBunny @ 8:36 PM
13 Comments:
Here's a plan. Why don't you schedule feeling sorry for yourself into your day so you can plan around it. Then schedule everything else you want to do around it.
You know you better than anyone else. If you think you're a loser, I'm forced to agree. If, instead, you skip the global self-defining bullshit, set some small short term goals and reach them ("I will get out of bed at 6 am" "Wow, I did it." "I will apply for at least 5 jobs a week" "Wow, I did it."), then maybe you'll accomplish something. You live with your mom, so she probably won't mind you sitting around all the time, and I'm sure you enjoy spending all your time at home wallowing, so it all works out well for you.
BTW, if you walk into a job interview thinking you're a loser who can't get the job, you're wasting your time going into the interview. Why would anyone hire that? I just got a job with a firm that originally didn't want to interview me, because when they said "no" the first time, I wrote a letter telling them why that wasn't in their best interests. And they're throwing money at me. Pick what you want to do and go get a job doing it by explaining why you want to do it and how well you can.
How can people find self-pity so amusing?
Cynicism can be fun.
this is the time for you to build a stronger sense of self. you've GOT to do it. setting up little goals is a great idea. recognize your needs. recognize that right now, YOU COME FIRST. re-listen to "you had me." throw "i will survive" into the rotation. make this a time that you do nothing but focus on yourself. after all, you're the only you you've got. and from what i can see, you're a gem. can you see it?
you've got some blogging cheerleaders, and i'm sure a handful of supportive friends. that's all you need, because YOU can do it. i have faith.
ra ra ree, yay PB!
ps. i still vote for yoga.
"ra ra ree, yay PB!." Caro may actually be retarded. IQ below 68. I'm not kidding.
I have now become, among all other things, a self-help guru. Whatever entity you worship needs to help us all.
1. Eliminate the word "need" from your vocabulary. You "need" oxygen. You "need" food periodically. You "need" sleep in the long run. You "need" shelter in the long run. Asshole could burst into flames in front of you, and you could go on living for 80 years. You don't "need" other people. You could have a TV surgically molded in front of your face and live for 80 more years.
"Want" is good. "Love to" is good. "Will do" is good. "Need" is bad. If you need something, and you fail, what is left? Try this: Think:
"I NEED to turn off the TV."
Then try:
"I would LOVE TO turn off the TV."
Need has "baggage" -- it makes you anxious. People don't like anxiety. The other phrases have "lift" -- they make you do things. If you're lost in the desert you "need" water. Short of that, you rarely "need" much of anything.
I'm not going to give you motivational speeches, because that's bullshit. And if you ain't looking to get off the floor, nobody else is going to get you up off it. You motivate yourself. You may be a gem. You may be a turd. Think of all the successful turds in the world. Motivated turds are successful. Gems face first on the floor are still wallowing and whining. Quit whining. Get up.
Self is irrelevant. Others are irrelevant. Do or do not, there is no try. You don't have to enjoy it, you don't have to be good at it, but either you do, or you don't. Period.
That's all I have to say about that. Next thread.
questioning some integrity, are we?
humans have needs that exceed food, water and shelter. there's a little tiny chart out there called the 'hierarchy of needs' that says that. and yes, there's critics, but i think there's truth to it--the need for safety, the need to belong, the need for self-esteem, and maybe one day, if you're lucky, self-actualization.
there's nothing worse to hear than something like, "why aren't you over it already?" when you're trying to get over a loss. at least that what i felt. that's something i had to realize on my own, and as much as i wish i could have turned off my doubts and insecurities like a switch, that just wasn't happening.
so i guess it depends on the way you're built. i was built to have cheerleaders. and as retarted as that may sound, i don't see any shame in it.
Thanks guys, for your inputs.
I agree with both of you. And not.
I do think that people need to depend on others and people need to feel a part of something greater. However, I do know that I didn't "need" the guy. And I know I should just get up and get on with my life.
As typecast as this may sound (and I apologize if this rubs the wrong way), I feel like I have a girl's view and a guy's view on this. Which is great. But it's also interesting that guys think we can just pick ourselves up and move on. I'm sure there are some very strong women out there who don't let matters of the heart bother them, and who can keep on going like the strong people they are. I am, sadly, not one of them. But I aim to become one. Not a heartless one, but one that knows when to stop obsessing over something that's obviously dead.
So thank you, Caro, for being able to relate to me. It makes me feel less lonely.
And before you jump on that, Galactichero, I do need friends. I like feeling that there are kindred spirits out there who I can relate to and understand and cheer on. And I appreciate them. I also appreciate your point of view on my sad state. It makes me realize that I'm in a sad state, and so now I want to get out of it.
I also miss my spunk. I used to be quite snarky.
I had dismissed this thread, but I was bored and saw that people had responded to my response... the fools.
Well, what you are speaking of, caro (BTW, look up the word "integrity"), is Maslow's hierarchy of needs:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs
TECHNICALLY, "needs" is a misnomer. Maslow theorized that once basic "needs" (what I would call "actual NEEDS"), such as food, water, shelter, etc. are met, we seek to fulfill progressively higher needs in a sort of hierarchy. BUT, because of basic survival instincts, it would be very rare to try to fill higher needs without satisfying basic ones, and so on up the pyramid. My point was, that PB is in a state of doing exactly that rare thing by seeking love over balance in her basic physical needs -- balanced diet, exercise, etc. This is a bad idea, because your brain and body do odd things to meet basic (more generally, lower) needs. When you start to slide in the higher needs you should focus on the next rung down, make sure it's handled, then move back up. Otherwise, you end up throwing things out of balance -- in this case, I think I said something about fat and alone or somesuch.
What does "snarky" mean? I can figure it from context, but it appears to be a new word in the lexicon. Seen it a few other places.
The needs pyramid. Sounds like it makes sense. I wish they taught more useful stuff in school. I would've benefited from the pyramid way more than from dissecting a frog.
SNARKY
(adjective) describes a witty mannerism, personality, or behavior that is a combination of sarcasm and cynicism. Usually delivered in a manner that is somewhat abrupt and out of context and intended to stun and amuse. Snark is sometimes mistaken for a snotty or arrogant attitude. Origin: Snark="snide remark".
Perhaps you should continue to educate yourself. I know that sounds boring, but it worked for such people as Da Vinci, and Ben Franklin, and Abe Lincoln... I recommend you start with economics, because knowing some basic economics allows you to always pontificate about everything...
Wiki disagrees with you... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snarkiness
You are belittling and derisive? SHAME!!!
Actually I started learning about doing my taxes. That's learning! And economical!
... You are kidding, right?
I've never done my taxes...
I leave that to my accountant
A. Why would a student need an accountant? You're paying him more than you make in a year.
B. Ever hear of turbotax? Taxcut?
C. None of you thinks that filing taxes has anything to do with "Economics" in the larger sense... right?
No comment
Post a Comment
<< Home