Crushing left and right
As much as I don’t want to come off as a crazy blogger in need of therapy, I realize that some part of me is off. I’m not sane.Lately, I’ve become really angry at a guy friend who seems to be using me for my car. Most of my class isn’t from Vancouver, so everybody’s been slowly moving away. This guy (let’s name him Shallow for now) suddenly started getting chummy with me after his driving buddy left town. It was an obvious usage of my car, but I let it go since I understand how annoying grocery shopping can get without a car. Then, Shallow proceeded to introduce me to his other friends, since he thought I’d have more to do with them, because I permanently live in Vancouver. So that’s him being nice. But! He then starts inviting me out to events with these new friends and abandoning me when he finds a newer and more interesting person to talk to.
Ok. So I’m a bit jealous. That’s where I’m messed up.
I’m being possessive towards friends like I have a right to be, which I don’t. I can’t tell if I’m just projecting all the anger I have towards the ex onto my innocent guy friends, or if I’m really just being used for my car and rightly angry about it.
Or I have dependency issues. I’m so messed up from trying to refrain from messing up.
A really close guy friend I’ve known for a long time incidentally chatted with me online while I was angry over Shallow. I used to have a crush on this guy friend. Now I can’t tell if I do anymore.
I feel like I’m blindly holding onto anything that I can, because I hate losing people.
It’s so hard to tell who your real friends are when you’re desperately trying to make real friends.
posted by PinkBunny @ 12:12 AM
4 Comments:
He's inviting you places, so that's not so bad. Go and get your own mingle on and leave when you want. Let Shallow hitch his own ride back home.
If he gets pissed about that, then you'll know if you were invited there for your car or for you.
As long as you discover that up front and realize it for what it's worth, Shallow can serve his purpose FOR you and not AGAINST you. Build his rides around your life and not your life around the rides.
Friends are a numbers game and many are transitory. Most of the people you know today will not be in your life in 5 years. A few will stand out and become true friends. Most will be just be there to fill empty space and time.
That's a purpose you need right now. Meet as many people as you can and run the numbers. It's usually better than sitting at home.
Hmm I was probably just over-thinking things. He's an OK guy.
I realize that a lot of friends are there to fullfill certain purposes only. I really don't like that. I like friends to be unconditional. This is why I put myself through so much and get hurt, since I'm forever waiting for a sign that I mean more than just a function.
What you said makes sense though. I bet most friendships are based around number games.
ehh, i don't put numbers to friends either, pb. i know people come in and out of our lives for a reason, but there's no way i'm thinking about that when i'm just sitting at a bar with someone, chatting about the most useless of useless info.
my take on the situation is that, yeah, it may be a case of overthinking. one of the things i've had to tell myself is that overthinking means drama. and drama is bad. there's too many other chaotic things in life to have to create more chaos in our own heads.
just go with the flow and have fun. life's too short to wonder or worry...
xo
Can you imagine me not disagreeing with that? Really? Put the crack pipe down...
I think that part of the problem is that you haven't defined either your goals in this relationship, or your projection of his goals. Are you jealous because you thought this was a date? If not, why would you be jealous? Are you jealous because he's leaving you to talk to other people? Isn't that leaving you so that YOU can talk to other people? Isn't that the "getting out more" thing everyone agrees you need? Doesn't that make this guy your best friend?
If his goal is to get you to drive him around, but the outcome is good for you, who cares?
I refer you back to the conversation about the needs hierarchy. You're trying to fill them out of order again. Go back to the lowest step you don't have filled, fill it, then move back up.
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