The Tough Guiltless
A few days ago, I was sitting in McDonald’s for breakfast (it’s deliciously fat) and watched as a bum battled an employee.Employee: How may I help you?
Bum: This is my receipt. You forgot to give me my hashbrown.
Employee: Oh. I’m sorry. Here you go.
5 minutes later…
Bum: Here’s my receipt. You forgot to give me my coffee.
Employee: But this is not the same receipt as your last one.
Bum: So? I have the receipt.
And this went on for some time, until this said employee finally lost it and told the bum to go away and stop scamming them. This caused the bum to explode and yell about seeing the manager and complain about poor customer service.
It’s amazing what people are capable of when they’ve gotten themselves into a state where they can’t apply common morals. It’s sad (and annoying at times, especially if it’s me being bothered about sponsoring their “trip back home” if only they could get a bus fare of $10 from me.) However, this homeless lady was pretty cunning and gutsy! As far as bums go, she was a tough one.
It makes me wonder… would I die of starvation if I became homeless? I might be one of those weak ones who sit in the corner with a coffee cup. How sad.
On another note…
I now know of 5 couples where one person was caught cheating. And that’s not the scary part for me. The scary part is that the third person, the home-wrecker, has ceased being the silent person who stays out of the spotlight. Of the 5 cases I know, 3 of them has had the third person call the wife and tell her to let her husband go.
What is wrong with the world? Is marriage not serious anymore? Maybe the 50% of couples who stay together are the couples who haven’t been caught cheating yet?
This is so disturbing.
I might be naïve, but I still hope for the kind of marriage where you grow old together, share everything together, and never love anyone else. Is that too much to ask?
posted by PinkBunny @ 1:48 PM
19 Comments:
Yes. It's too much to ask. I'm not joking.
How many people have you loved in your life? What makes you think you'll stop once you pick one to stay with? Then what? Ever fall out of love? What happens if you get married and then fall out of love? Worse, what if you fall out of love AND find someone else you love?
The difference is between being attracted to a person and doing nothing, and being attracted to a person and gratifying oneself. People have a very low threshold for discomfort nowadays, so they gratify themselves.
People also live a lot longer than they used to. It used to be you got married at 19, 18, 16, 14, whatever, and died at 46. Not anymore. You have a lot of time to decide cheating is a good idea.
Besides that, you would quickly learn some new morals if you were homeless and starving. I guarantee it. Wolves don't worry about right and wrong. In a state of nature, most people don't either.
Wow that is depressing to read. I was hoping that the dark honest truth wasn't that dreary.
I understand that the person you marry might not be the one you love the most. But, isn't that more reason to take marriage seriously? Marry only if you think that person is the one you could stay faithful to forever, even if you grow out of love or to love someone else.
Or, instead of cheating, just be honest and end the relationship before someone gets cheated on. If it were me, I'd much rather be dumped than cheated on. But seeing how badly I handled breaking up, I really don't have much right to judge.
I just wish that more people would think of others before they gratify themselves. It's not asking for much. Just a few seconds of hesitation, of consideration. For someone they used to love or maybe still love.
I just edited myself. Got too personal.
You said: "I understand that the person you marry might not be the one you love the most. But, isn't that more reason to take marriage seriously? Marry only if you think that person is the one you could stay faithful to forever, even if you grow out of love or to love someone else."
What if, after you get married to the one you don't love the most, the person you DO love the most becomes an option? How much are you now like you were 20 years ago...? Ten years ago? 5 years ago? This time last year? How can you know you'll stay faithful 1, 5, 10, 20 years from now given how much you've changed in that time period in the past? Imagine you changing one way, and the other changing the other way? That's a lot of change for a relationship to survive...
You said: "
Or, instead of cheating, just be honest and end the relationship before someone gets cheated on."
Sometimes you don't actually PLAN the cheating. Sometimes you don't want to put someone through the sort of thing you, personally, just went through. Sometimes you're getting half of what you need from two different people, and can't pick which half you'd rather keep. Which relationship do you end?
So you give your few seconds of consideration, reach no conclusions, and go on with two partners. Is that a good result?
Okay... so what do you suggest, G? How do people have happy relationships and get the most they want out of them?
You make it sound like there's no way to be happy with someone.
I know that people change. I get that sometimes you might get stuck loving two people equally. But, you don't get to keep both! That's unfair to both girls or guys.
If you do happen to end up in that horribly difficult situation, can't you talk to both parties before you hurt one or the other? Isn't that the moral thing to do?
I'm the Devil's advocate. I think we all spend our time on this spinning rock hurtling through space for the sole purpose of dying. Sooner, later. Whatever. I don't think that, other than making the wait bearable, relationships mean shit. Therefore, happy relationships are irrelevant. That being true, contemplating how to make them happy is a waste of time. Either they are or they aren't. If they aren't then they don't serve the purpose of making the wait bearable. Then, TO THE CURB!!
Without being too specific, no, you can't talk to both parties. Sometimes that conversation has a cost you are unwilling to bear. A certain unpleasant cost, or a percentage chance of an unpleasant cost. Which do you pick? Me, I'm a gambler... particularly where I lose either way.
What is this "fairness" thing. Life is not "fair." Why should things be "fair?"
Ahh.. back to the Life is Unfair end-all-and-be-all statement.
True, life isn't fair. It might serve as some divine being's amusement. We might not ever accomplish anything. The world might end tomorrow. However, I choose to believe that we can somehow make this whole thing more bearable by loving each other.
Corniness aside, it sure beats waiting around for a rock to crash into us.
I don't know if I'm hitting a nerve with the cheating thing, so I'm dropping it now.
And being fair to people you love is what I call love. If you're not fair to them, you don't love them. It's very simple, really.
... I see in analog, not in digital. Infinite colors, in infinite shades, not black and white.
Maybe you'll hit a chord with someone else. If you hit a chord with someone who recycles sex partners, the hippocrisy will be worth the read...
The word verification word is "gknfuk." I find that amusing, and ironic...
Now now... don't jinx me! No hitting intended!
...? What? Are you on drugs?
I'm going to pretend I didn't post my last comment.
As for choosing betweem the lesser of two evils, I say be brave and choose the harder way. Go the road less travelled. Bear the discomfort.
But until I'm put into that position myself, all I can do is talk about my ideals.
How very convenient for you...
With that kinds of response G how many people have YOU been in love with?
I for one have never "fallen" out of love. I still love every man I have ever fallen in love with. I still love my high school sweetheart, and when I see pictures of him from the days I was in love with him I get butterflies. I'm still love the man i lost my virginity to, or the image of him - better known to you guys as CPE. I still love KFP as fucked up as he was. I still love them all.
Loyalty is a virtue - cheating is not ok. If you "fall" out of love with anyone, you shouldn't string them and another on. That's not love. That's selfishness.
Who's to say they loved their significant other anyway?
p.s. I didn't read this 11 comment banter - i just responded to the first one.
You are far too important to deal with the banter.
I practiced family law for more than four years. I'm an expert in the subject.
You're the best, Nic!
I never actually looked at it like that. It's a nice way to think.
What if you love both of them? What if you love both of them at least enough that you want to avoid devestating either of them? What if both relationships develop at the same time? What if one of the relationships becomes unworkable because you, say, moved, but one of the partners won't let go? While I'm at it, what if the sex is too good to pass up on? What if there are children involved? Have you considered all of these possibilities?
Now the word verification is "jxinc." I wonder how they generate these...?
I keep censoring out comments about how it must be difficult to study to be a prostitute and a doctor at the same time, but they're so apt.
Oh, BTW, she loves every man and proves it by "recycling" them. Literally, she "LOVES" every one of them... how is that NOT exactly what PB is talking about? You, Nic, are a hippocrit. In fact, you even TELEGRAPHED exactly what you were going to do BEFORE you did it, KNOWING what would probably happen, and now it's happening, and you're contemplating playing along.
As I said earlier, "The difference is between being attracted to a person and doing nothing, and being attracted to a person and gratifying oneself. People have a very low threshold for discomfort nowadays, so they gratify themselves."
Now the verification word is "slmyrale." These things are cool...
G, you're so cynical. Doesn't it ever get depressing for you?
As much as I am against recycling, I wouldn't relate it to prostituion. There's no money involved! Just physical transactions. Nic isn't "cheating" anyway, since she's not really with anyone permanently. It's a high-risk life style for sure, but she seems to be having fun. We're all weird in our own ways.
My verification word is "fcvbmzt". That makes absolutely no sense. I guess that ends the word fluke trend.
Studying to be a doctor isn't exactly being a doctor either, is it?
How is the deception involved in what she did any better than the deception you're concerned with? Particularly since she said,
"
I've started being nice to CPE again... [...]
I know this sounds awful, but I feel like I'm only speaking to him bccause I want to recycle him when I go home.
Have you heard about recycling?
Girls basically do it to keep their numbers down. We repeatedly sleep with people we've already slept with because it's "ok" we've already done it, we're not adding a number.
I know if I recycle him it'll be a very very very bad thing. But my recycling options are limited, my need is great, and he's an easy target.
I am a horrible horrible person...
"
She can do what she wants, but she can't then jump in and say that cheating is morally wrong without getting sandblasted.
I'm mortified that I spelled hypocrite "hippocrit" to make a joke, and then deleted the joke but didn't spell it correctly...
Mine is "qgbwfdqr".
Wow... did I kill the mood here or WHAT!??!?
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