I used to blog better
There come a time in every blogger’s blogging life (What? Only me? Aww…) when you realize that you don’t really have much to say anymore, and you look back on your old posts to reminisce and silently boast about how you’ve changed for the better.
Sadly, I used to blog better.
I used to have paragraphs and sentences, and I almost made sense most of the time. Now? Not so much. Now I’m blogging some mythic nonsense one-liner regarding guilt, and about my blogging skills.
Seriously though, for a second here, how are you supposed to deal with guilt? When you know that you seriously screwed up and everything’s your fault? Then you’re just at the mercy of the person you shouldn’t have messed with. And if that person does nothing to punish you? THAT is the hard part. Then you really have to comprehend that you messed up and nobody’s going to make it go away.
I miss being punished for my mistakes.
Did you know that the word “blog” comes from “web log”? I didn’t. This is interesting. It’s almost self-explanatory, yet I never got it, nor did I ever question it. Shows how ignorant I can be.
…
I’m turning 24 soon. My mother was married when she was 24. Before anyone panics, I’m not looking for marriage. Not now, anyway. I actually have a weird problem: Instead of me worrying about me getting married, my mom’s been saying off-hand things that insinuate I’m desperate. The thing is… I think something’s up with her. She keeps saying that I want to get married, but I never bring the topic up. I suspect that she’s secretly worried that I’ll never find anyone who can tolerate my wacky personality. Or she used to be worried until TO became a prominent part of my life. Now I have no idea what she’s talking about. Is she worried that I’ll scare TO away? Or is she worried that I’ll elope with TO? She’s a mystery.
…
A side note on the guilt thing… I wish I was Catholic so I could go to confession and have someone forgive me for my sins. (Hopefully I don’t offend anyone with this next sentence. *crossing fingers*) However, going to confession and having your sins forgiven by a third person seems very self-gratifying of the sinner. So I can wrong person A, seriously repent, confess, and be forgiven! Person A doesn’t get anything out of it. That’s kind of unfair. (I actually don’t know the exact procedure of confession, so I could be way off base. In which case, to whomever I offend, I apologize, and please correct me.)
…
It’s become apparent that my current demo reel is getting me nowhere with the job search. Therefore, it is time for me to improve it. It’s almost good enough. This is incredibly frustrating. I don’t even have a good excuse to be depressed, since I’ve done that before and it leads nowhere. So, I really just need to start my new stuff and stop wallowing in guilt and shame and disgrace.
I’m really big on the self-loathing today. How nonproductive of me.
posted by PinkBunny @ 1:58 AM
9 Comments:
I need a kick in the butt to get moving in my life too. I would say that this entire year is a write-off for me, and I hope the new year brings better tidings for us all. I know all too well about self-pity and loathing after this year...
For job searching, you may want to consider positions that aren't exactly what you are looking for, but in companies that you want to join. Once you join a company, there's usually ample opportunity to move horizontally or vertically (hehe, that sounds kind of funny..) because you have better access to job listings and the people who do the hiring. A lot of my friends started jobs that they may have felt over-qualified for, but it's given them opportunities to gain experience, and some have already started new (better-paid and more interesting) jobs as a result.
You can do it!
Sweep floors for Pixar...
No greencard. No can do.
Get a visa. Or marry a dumb fat american. Or Caro... maybe she's dumb and fat though - no one answered my obligatory "is she hot." I hear Massachusetts is nice this time of year, and they have that gay marriage thing. Along with Mexico.
I forgive you
and yeah, i totally hear you on the getting married at 24 thing. The mother has started scheming, and I apparently have to meet so and so becuase of some reason or another, but I'm guessing mostly because they probably have a young doctor to be and want me to marry him. I asked her to atleast screen the weirdos and find me a tall skinny type...
I mean hey, if i'm going to be subjected to this, i might s well have some eye candy right?
Weren't you paying attention, G? I don't want to get married at 24. I'm thinking 26 earliest. So, marrying an American is out of the question. Even if it wasn't ethically wrong, I really wouldn't marry someone to get something out of them. It's called having morals. I'm proud of being in the possession of good morals. Plus, I'd only marry for love.
Ok now I just sound overly righteous.
I would like a visa though. I'm working on it. Eventually I'll get there.
Eye candy sounds fun, Nic. If you have to be subjected to that awkward process, where everyone knows exactly why you're all sitting down, but no one says anything about it, then you might as well have fun doing it!
And, J, I have started looking for open positions that I don't neccessarily want to end up in, but would be a good foot in the door. I just need to refrain from self-loathing long enough to send out another batch of demo reels.
Waah. That's the best response to all that.
Wait until the jewish mother thing when you're single and 30.
How do you know you have good morals? Compared to who? Have you ever suffered or foregone in the name of your morals? Eh?
In the name of my morals, I have fought.
I do not wish to point out which aspects, because I would have to defend myself again.
Let's just say... I'm archaic in some aspects. Overly righteous too.
Deez. That's all I have to say about that... Deez.
And the Colts lost to DALLAS!!! You're FRICKING KIDDING ME!!!
Deez.
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