Fear of Failure
Good news? I’ve rediscovered my fear of failure. The last time I felt embarrassed and ashamed was when I didn’t make it into an animation contest. Everyone, including my supervisor, thought I would. It was a huge awkward “I guess I suck?” moment.And now. Again.
I keep doing this to myself. I get myself into a perfect little bubble where I don’t have to succeed or fail or feel much in general… and then I get ambitious and try out for another contest. This would be totally fine if I could handle failure well. Sadly, that is not the case. I go into this weird state where I don’t talk and don’t surf and pretty much just play the scene of my failure over and over again. I scrutinize why my work wasn’t good enough, and pretty much just obsess about it.
I know that I’m supposed to keep trying. There’s that whole “No pain, No gain” thing. But, this wasn’t a typical rejection letter, nor a “we’re not looking for your talent right now”, nor a no-response. This was pretty much “No thanks, you suck.” In public.
I haven’t cried though. For me, that’s a big step. I’ve just been a bit out of it. But, now that I can actually blog about it, I think I’m good. Still quite depressed. But, life’s life.
I just really hate failure.
posted by PinkBunny @ 5:24 AM
8 Comments:
I know exactly what you mean.
You're all expecting something insightful and inspiring from me here, but I need more than 45 minutes of sleep in 40 hours to squeeze that stuff out. I'll get back to you on that later...
did they critique at all?
i'm very competative, i would resubmit either defending my work or change it to what they wanted just so i could win.
...shocker
You spell well too...
were they being smartasses? as in, saying something along the lines of "no thanks, you suck" to see how you'd react?
fuck 'em. fuck 'em all.
not literally.
It was a competition, so it's pretty much over for that. I'll still try for other things... just with more caution.
Usually no feedback is given, but this one was an open critique, so I got quite a bit of negative non-constructive feedback. I'd be OK if it wasn't in public. I can't stand public humiliation.
I have no idea if they were trying to get a reaction out of me. It was for a TV station, so that might have been the case. Reality Failure. Isn't that the fad these days?
Sigh. I gotta suck it up.
Moving on...
you ever land here?
http://pinkbunny.blogspot.com/
Craziness.
I never realized that a guy owns that spot. I checked it out a long time ago when I wanted the address... but, sadly, Blogger doesn't kick out dead blogs.
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